2011 a Year in Review

Dec 31, 2011 by Shannon T. Boodram    7 Comments    Posted under: Think About it Mondays

To be honest, being honest with you has become increasingly difficult because I no longer know who you are. In days passed, when this site was updated regularly, speaking to all of you was easy because in return I knew that amidst the silent readers who judged or assessed me on their own terms I would also get the devil’s advocacy from Mike, the weighted insight of Shayla, the personal comparisons from Carissa, the unwaivering support from Michella and the sometimes critical, but always informative reality check from Nara.

But now you are relatively unknown and likewise, I may be a relative unknown to you to. So can I trust a stranger with my insecurities? Can I be vulnerable infront of those who would rather not reveal their own identity? Why. The. Hell. Not. I guess eh.

To say this year went my way would be an inflated lie, to say thing went terribly would make me an ungrateful wretch.

A theme myself and Andrea have noticed in our lives of late is that on so many platforms, we would both place ourselves (incomplacently) somewhere in the middle: just below great and slightly above not good enough. Uncoincidentally, it is the place that I would peg majority of the people that I know and have grown up with in. But I think that is the mark of our age and position – the out of school, into the real world for long enough but still not quite ARRIVED age.

It’s the age when you start to feel like you can no longer live in past glory and your future can no longer wait for your incomplete ambitions to pan out. It’s the age where many people will panic and find anything sure to hold on to and where some will bear down and stay the course.

I’m off topic I know, but this information will circle in later.

This year I have made more money than I ever had in my life, found a good niche for my photography skills, been more brave in the flight and failures that come with searching for true love and most importantly, have realized that no matter what the setting or circumstance, the real me is the best me.

This year has also been the least headline-worthy year that I have had since I can remember. While past year’s were notable due to a major event, a move, a feat, a change – this one is basically marked by its lack of all of the aforementioned; it’s middleness.

I woke up at 8:30 and lay awake in bed thinking about this for three hours. With so many things that COULD go exceedingly well but nothing that actually is… I’m not sure what I need to be setting my sights on. Last year I KNEW, this year, I honestly do not. Between working on myself and Andrea’s pilot, the pursuit of a permanent on-air personality gig, starting a second book or doing what has been working and focusing more on photography – I genuinely am not sure which is the safest bet. I wonder if this is a thrilling or a terrifying place to be; I wonder if others look at me and think WOW she has the whole world ahead of her OR shit, so whatt exactly DO you plan on doing now? …Then again, I wonder why I am even wasting time on this kind of what-would-the-neighbors-say train of thought.

There is one thing that I do know with absolute certainty though: even though I feel angst about…well everything in my life… it is more important than ever to maintain my carefree nature. Even though it feels like I should be stressed by the loose-leaved state of my current day-to-day I need to remind myself that I will never make my best decisions while thinking the worst of my situation. And even though I am yet again, at a fork in the road, I still truly believe that all pathways are equally as bright. And that my darlings is something headline worthy.

2011 was a year of test, small triumphs and plenty of soul searching. In the end I learned that I absolutely know what I love to do but it’s going to be harder than I thought to do it at a level where I will feel successful. I know this isn’t the cheery, year-in-awesomeness review that you’re accustomed but believe me, it’s not a sob story. It’s just the middle of my story. A story that I know in the end, after I finally figure out my BIG, I will look back on this chapter and think why were you worried at all? Couldn’t you sense just how close you were?

So unlike other December 31sts, I may not be heading into this new year with trophies, awards and accolades but I bring something way less cool but twice as sensible: a good self-staring mantra:

Do not give up on what or who makes you happy and no matter how rough the road is in getting to your THERE, convince yourself that the bumps are little rollercoasters that you get to ride for free.

So what advice can I offer you in exchange for the time you took in reading this? Well reader, as you move into 2012 please do not lose YOUR fun, do not fear reckless abandon and do not forget what you really came out for.

Love you all equally but differently Happy New Year,

Shaboo Ranks

Related Posts via Categories

• (Video) Do you believe in soul mates?
• I am in Love with Girls
• Come Winter Love, All or Nothing
• Gratitude is Everything
• What happens in my bed, stays in my bed
• Question: Do you Feel Me Like I Feel You?
• My Struggle with Being Nice
• When a sweet new friendships makes the old seem sour
• Warning: If your butt isn’t big, you may not be Black
• Read This Everyday