Can Love Be Rationalized? Think About it Mondays
Posted under: 
Racoon-eyed and frizzy haired, wiry glasses that sit lopsided on my oily nose
Unsightly hair that I am too lazy to mind
A potty mouth and run-on speech, a stubborn girl who don’t practice what she preach
On the curb without that appeal, we both know he didn’t see it how you do
I knew your heart for months but I didn’t understand until yesterday
No. Until the other day, you read that book just to feel closer to me, hoping to see the world as I do
That ish meant something
It feels so good to know that someone loves me like that
So much that they would read a strangers words if it could mean getting closer to my centre
You don’t have to say it, I feel it all around me – a feeling I have never imagined let alone been given
Thank you for loving me this way, it’s beautiful and perfect
Believe me, I do want to pay you back but it’s just that, my heart doesn’t know how to do favours
The last time I experienced love, I wasn’t involved. I sat on its edge with my pants rolled up and kicked at it without intention to go any further. Is it wrong that I indulged in the joy of it but when push came to shove I got up quickly signaling at my clothes as if to say “it’s not like you couldn’t tell that I didn’t want to come all the way in.”
Does it make you a tease to want to let something beautiful run its course although deep down you knew you were never quite on track with it? It’s hard to understand why we feel so strongly towards some while our affections confusingly skip over others more deserving. And since feelings are so whimsical, fickle and unpredictable should their input really be considered in such serious matters?
Attraction and logic: what is the correlation? I wonder if the happiest individuals are the ones who combine the two rather than prying them apart for quarantined analyzation.
The heart will not go where it is asked but it has no qualms showing up where it is uninvited – I wonder who programmed this stupid thing. Attraction is a wild card suffering from schizophrenia and logic is the most sobering, sane-saving tool we own… so with this in mind I wonder: can or should love be rationalized?
short and bitter (sweet?) I know. Isn’t it odd that sometimes the more we have on our minds, the least we feel comfortable saying? Would it shock you to learn that this wasn’t even written in reference to a romantic relationship?
Wanna smile? Some kids 4-8 years old define loveTaken from my friend Crystal’s blog
“When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth.” Billy – age 4
“Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other.” Karl – age 5
“Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs.” Chrissy – age 6
“Love is what makes you smile when you’re tired.” Terri – age 4
“Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK.” Danny – age 7
“Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss.” Emily – age 8
“Love is what’s in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen.” Bobby – age 7
“If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate.” Nikka – age 6
“Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday.” Noelle – age 7
“Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well.” Tommy – age 6
“During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. He was the only one doing that. I wasn’t scared anymore.” Cindy – age 8
“My mommy loves me more than anybody . You don’t see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night.” Clare – age 6
“Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken.” Elaine-age 5
“Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford.”Chris – age 7
“Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day.” Mary Ann – age 4
“I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones.” Lauren – age 4
“When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you.” Karen – age 7
“Love is when Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn’t think it’s gross.” Mark – age 6
“You really shouldn’t say ‘I love you’ unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget.” Jessica – age 8
Related Posts via Categories
- I am in Love with Girls
- Come Winter Love, All or Nothing
- Gratitude is Everything
- 2011 a Year in Review
- What happens in my bed, stays in my bed
- Question: Do you Feel Me Like I Feel You?
- My Struggle with Being Nice
- When a sweet new friendships makes the old seem sour
- Warning: If your butt isn’t big, you may not be Black
- Read This Everyday
15 Comments + Add Comment
WILD UNITED!
Find Your It!
Find a Fav
R U WILD?
Our Logo
Work it!
[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by michael yarde, Andrea Lewis. Andrea Lewis said: NEW Blog: Can Love Be Rationalized? Think About it Mondays http://bit.ly/cDZQki [...]
NEW Blog: Can Love Be Rationalized? Think About it Mondays http://bit.ly/cDZQki
RT @missandrealewis: NEW Blog: Can Love Be Rationalized? Think About it Mondays http://bit.ly/cDZQki
Andrew and I were just talking about this recently. We agreed that when we met, even though we both felt an immediate connection, neither of us felt that nervous, butterflies-in-your-stomach sensation. I always thought it was because Andrew’s just the kind of guy you feel at ease around, but since we both felt it I’m wondering if it was actually something else. The first week we hung out together, we just talked non-stop about everything. The relationship wasn’t really based on physical attraction or sexual feelings when it first started, although those things developed.
Sometimes I’m sad we never had nervous butterflies, because that’s kind of a fun thing. Then again, I don’t think it matters by this point in our relationship. Once you spend years with someone, it just isn’t going to be as sexy and romantic as it was in the beginning. Obviously, you need to make an effort to make sure it’s still sexy and romantic PART of the time, but a lot of the time it’s just going to be you two hanging out together, spending time with mutual friends, listening to each other bitch when one of you had a bad day, etc. It’s nice though. It’s great when you can come home exhausted after a rough week and your Friday night involves eating a nice dinner and drinking wine, having awesome sex and then turning to each other and saying, “We should totally go make popcorn and watch South Park!”
So basically, the most important thing for me is to find a guy I can be great friends with, because that’s a constant that gets you by when sex and romance flicker on and off (or fade entirely, although I hope that doesn’t happen in all relationships). That being said, I’m a pretty acknowledge-your-heart-but-make-decisions-with-your-head person, so what works for me surely wouldn’t work for everyone. I’m really interested to read what other people think on the subject.
@Shayla…
I think you are completely right about being friends as well as bf/gf. I’ve asked myself this question so many times, especially about a year ago. I met a really good guy who I really liked and he felt the same. The relationship started out really fast, it was pretty physical. The problem was that he was having a son by his ex girlfriend. I knew the situation with his ex girlfriend was messy, but he promised me they were not together anymore. He convinced me that he wanted to be with me. As much as I liked him, my head would not allow me to get close or fall in love with him.
Once he told me he had fallen for me, I knew I had made a big mistake. I continued seeing him hoping, praying that I could fall in love with him too, maybe this would turn out better, but once his son was born I had to break it off. I was very honest about not loving him how he loved me, but I felt like such a fraud for not feeling the same feelings he felt. I felt even worse for taking him from the part of his life that needed his attention the most.
Moral of the story: If your head is telling you a relationship is not right, listen to it. Once you get too deep into it, its very hard to get out. I think if we would have tried to be just friends first and got to know each other, things wouldn’t have been so complicated. A relationship could have been figured out much later.
The thing about your story Shayla is that I believe with all my heart that this must be happiness but I am not sure if I could love that way, if I could I know EXACTLY who I would be with and I know we’d be happy but maybe the difference is not in butterflies but in desire. Sure you and Andrew may not have the who-am-I-and-why-am-I-drooling love, but I’m sure the thought of him naked didn’t make you shake your head involuntarily like a moth was tangled in your hair.
butterflies over desire. friendship over butterflies.
why do I feel as though none of us have gotten anywhere at all in this convo lol
For starters what you wrote was greatttt! Tell me morrrre! Its a tough feeling not being able to love someone who does everything right. Hearts don’t do favors for reaaaal. which brings me to my answer…
No love shouldn’t be rationalized, and if someone tries to rationalize it then it isn’t real love at all. Hearts have a mind of their own and they’re stubborn little fcukers to say the least. logic can only get you from point a to point b, but love never stands still enough for logic to catch up to it.
butttt…that’s the easiest way to get heartbroken. if you wanna do some advance damage control and not get hurt, I always say “When it comes to matters of the heart, use your brain”, but that’s less rewarding. It’s never that pure euphoric feeling of natural, unadulterated love. To love is to risk, and with high risk can come high reward, but it can also come with a heartbreaking fall from high up.
To put it simply, true love defies the laws of logic.
anddddddddd by now im sure ur probably tired hearing me talk about love but its my favorite subject in life.
“that pure euphoric feeling of natural, unadulterated love.” But it’s that infatuation? How do you differentiate between infatuation and love?
infatuation! WOW I haven’t used that word in years, I think the difference between infatuation and love is care. You can be infatuated with someone without having the urge to care and be there for them.
but all of this is speculation, trying to explain an emotion is odd. I remember once thinking that there aren’t enough words to describe love but now I am thinking there may be too many. Confuzzling
Love will never make any sense. We snub the person who treats us well for the jerk who sometimes calls us beautiful. It’s a sick and twisted thing that, I believe, cannot be rationalized. This is the way love is. I think too often we all wonder why it is we fall for the person who will never catch us. We cry and beat ourselves up over it. We try to talk ourselves out of it, and put a stop to what we believe is completely irrational behavior. Maybe this is the way it is suppose to be. This is the true nature of love. It makes absolutely no sense at all. We make all the wrong choices. It’s hard. It’s heavy. Then we get it right and the clouds clear. There is nothing like it. It’s wonderful. The thought of it shoots butterflies and rainbows straight into my soul. I love LOVE.
wow. i absolutely loved this. carissa and i were just tweeting each other about this very thing a few nights ago. LOL. she said, “when it comes to matters of the heart, use your brain.” i told her that i really needed to hear that..& she said that its less rewarding. which if you think about it, it really is…me, i always thought that the safest way was the best way. well, now i know that whenever i fall in love, i want it to be amazing, and most of all rewarding. plus, i think the little kids sayings about love is too cute! i love billy’s!
Loving this topic man! Hits home for sure.
k. Let’s not assume that attraction and love are even semi correlated. I am “attracted” to Boris Kodjoe. But does that mean I “love” him? I mean, if he gave me opportunity….
Ok seriously. Attraction is rarely is associated with logic. How many times has anyone said “Oh that guy/girl is hot. Wait! I can’t think he is cute! I don’t wanna become that involved!!”
This is the question: Can or should love be rationalized?
This is my answer: No. love can’t be rationalized. I definitely agree with Carissa. If you have to rationalize it, it’s not love. Rationalization, to me, basically means to take the unreasonableness out of something to make it seem reasonable when really, it is unreasonable. (like my broad vocab there?). so when it comes to love, its like saying, ‘even though I don’t love you, you treat me well, and you love me well, so I will force myself to love you. You deserve it’.
No. no. no. no. And no love shouldn’t be rationalized. It’s like picking the wrong career. Sure this one pays well, but do you really love and enjoy it? No? Well, welcome to the rest of ur boring life.
I just got out of a really long relationship. This guy was perfect. Treated me like a queen. He really loved me. But I didn’t love him. And it sucked to break up with him, because it was like, here I am, treating you wrong, and now im breaking up with you. All backwards. I couldn’t rationalize my love. I couldn’t force myself into it. That is cheating him, and that is cheating me.
I think the most important thing is this: If you are in love, and logic can agree with your emotions, then you will be happiest. And most important, you will not have to rationalize love. The heart and the brain can often times seem like enemies and it gets confusing. When they are naturally in sync…that’s when things become beautiful. You can’t force either…
Forgive me for being a week late, but this is a topic I’ve tossed around a bit a number of times over the years (and perhaps this hit a little close to home, so some thought was required instead of the usual off-the-cuff response).
I don’t think love can be rationalized…but happiness can. There’s been women in my life who were absolute angels and others who were not so much. I wish I fell in love with those angels, but it didn’t happen, so my happiness was stunted. Some of the others I couldn’t completely defend on paper, but I enjoyed the time we spent more than anything else. It’s easy to get past being conflicted when you realize how much you enjoy the other person simply for who they are. That seems rational to me.
At the same time, I suppose if that happiness has limitations, then logic has to be applied. Limited happiness slides into unhappiness very quickly. That’s where pragmatism comes into play. Do you cut your losses and enjoy the memory of what was, or fight for more? Damned if I know, lol.
Those kiddie quotes are the sweetest most genuine ever! i LOVE it!
“Does it make you a tease to want to let something beautiful run its course although deep down you knew you were never quite on track with it?” I say be honest with yourself and others and go from there. Deception isn’t pretty and should be left alone.
“Should love be rationalized?” CAN love be rationalized? From my experience love is a very powerful feeling, unconditional and everlasting. In my world it canNOT be rationalized and if it were it wasn’t love to begin with.
GREAT TOPIC
p.s. love takes time and patience too