[..YouTube..] I agree with you guys!I did have sex with this guy that, we both liked each other, but we both weren’t ready for being tied down as bf/gf… Big mistake.And, its horrible having a Friend With Benefits!!!

[..YouTube..] i dont think there is a too earlyif you’re an adult u can make adult decisons

[..YouTube..] I think you should know when its time to give the nookie up. however, if it becomes the topic all the time or a problem then its a hell no….

[..YouTube..] Personally, I think sex should be a little more emotional than physical. If we have no connection, it’s like why am I doing this? I think people should have committment first and worry about the rest later because things can get complicated if you give it up too soon

[..YouTube..] i think that sex should be for mature ppl. if the two can have a legit agreement between eachother about sex then i think it will work out fine… as soon as someone has feelings that are begining to arise and emotions are starting to make problems than the sex situation should be reivaluted. and if one gets the feelings hurt because the other does not feel the same as they do than they should not be upset because thats not what was agreed upon from the start.

[..YouTube..] i agree with you guys 100%. sometimes you just never really know when its too early. you can be with a person for a long time and then have sex with them and the whole relationship changes. i honestly dont think that sex is an important part in a relationship. it can mess up everything thats good. but i dont believe in “waiting for marriage”. if im not compatible with my partner sexually, how can i continue to be happily married. but i think its all about personal choice/preference

[..YouTube..] I agree. I have been with a guy for over a year and we have not had sex and will not until marriage. The best part abt this is that I know he loves me for my mind…

haha @ 2:15.
andrea, you are hilarious.

[..YouTube..] great perspectives, and video.

[..YouTube..] Very good video. Ima send this to my friend she needs to see this. Love yall.

I recently changed my mind on this topic within the last couple days.

After i finished reading Laid it was ‘Close up d shop’ for my ass. i was basically a nun holding out for some special amazing guy to magically pop up nd love me b4 having sex. But f that.

Sex doesn’t have to be so complicated. I think as long as you both give a damn about each other at least on a personal level, and you both want to do it, then why not? Sex is amazing, so live it up.

But at the same time it’s a personal judgment call on when is the right time. It’s not the same for everyone, and there’s no cookie cutter way to determine it. You just gotta make some mistakes first to figure out what’s right for you.

Personally I have a gut feeling I’ll be single for a while, so there’s no point in me waiting for love or a relationship when i’m not sure if those things will ever come.

My clock is ticking, shit. I’m getting old. So for now i’ll just take the Vitamin D in my milk n stay strong.
Like Shannon says, “Get Yours”.

It’s kinda true and it’s kinda not. guyz don’t really take girls that give up sex so fast really serious, cuz they like the chase and want to feel like they’ve accomplished something.

But then again no guy wants to wait 6months + waiting on something that may not even be that good lol

So I vote for: NO, he/ she won’t want the cow if they’re not even sure the “milk” is good!!

Social comments and analytics for this post…

This post was mentioned on Twitter by missandrealewis: New blog post: Topic of the Week: Are you having Sex too early? http://bit.ly/ap1jxO...

The only reason to EVER have sex or being sexually active is because it’s what you want for yourself.

If you have an ulterior motives or hopes of a certain outcome in the aftermath (e.g. well if I don’t do it he/ she will lose interest) then you’ll set yourself up for major disappointment. Seriously people just how many times have we heard the “I gave it up and never heard from that person again tale.”

Be sexual because you wanted to do it for THE MOMENT not because you want to change the future. At least then if anything goes wrong in the aftermath (you got emotionally hurt OR there was a physical consequence) you don’t have to be the silly person who thinks:

“Man I didn’t even want to do that with that person in the first place!”

Your mileage may vary on this one…

At the risk of sounding typically male, I say get it out of the way early. I’ve had great relationships where this was the case, and others where waiting was in order, but waiting did become somewhat of an elephant in the room.

In fact, if the time it takes to get from zero-to-coitus is a factor in determining commitment, that person isn’t really respecting your right to make sound judgements about your body in the first place. That sounds like a far greater problem. If you’re going to wait for anything, wait until that level of respect is demonstrated.

Sexual compatibility is a real and important thing too, but you have to have sex to know if it is or isn’t a problem. Not that that should guide your actions, but it is something to keep in mind.

I PERSOANLLY THINK YOU SHOULD WAIT.. TILL MARRIAGE. GUYS THAT I SPOKE TO PREFER WOMEN/GIRLS THAT ARE BARELY TOUCHED OR NOT TOUCHED AT ALL. SHOWS THAT THEY THINK BEFORE THEY DO ANYTHING. PLUS YOU ARE SO SAFE FRM DIEASES, PREGNACNY AND SO FORTH. I THINK GUYS WILL APPRECIATE A WOMAN WHO HASNT.. BEEN WITH TO MANY GUYS……

This is a tough one, but I’m leaning toward option #3: It doesn’t matter either way. If s/he doesn’t want you, s/he doesn’t want you.

The phrase “true commitment” is a problem for me, because it’s not something you can ever be sure about. You can only speak for yourself; you can’t judge the other person’s level of commitment. Like Shannon said, you have to want/do it for yourself (and be responsible about it).

re: Mike – “Get it out of the way early” isn’t exactly the phrasing I would use…lol…but I feel a similar way about it. If you’re looking for a long-term intimate relationship with someone, you’ll want to establish whether or not ‘intimacy’ is going to work out between you. Then you’ll either say to yourself, “I love this person, and I’ll make it work” or “I can’t deal.”

I’ve seen that (1) you can give it up early in a relationship, not be pleased by the partner, and have the situation dissolve about something else entirely (that is only compounded by the intimacy problems) or (2) you can have exceptional personality compatibility and sexual chemistry with someone–& care about him/her deeply–and the whole thing goes nowhere because you didn’t establish “what you were doing” at the very beginning. [ultimately: If s/he doesn't want you (for more than sex), s/he doesn't want you.] I suppose it is mostly about expectations. You should make the other person aware of yours up front and all along.

I’m a big proponent of waiting, preferably until marriage. Sex is a wonderful thing, and should be shared with someone special, theoretically your spouse. Of course, it’s not always your spouse and it’s not always special; the bottom line is that you have to be in a place emotionally to handle the responsibilities and consequences of sex. Doing it for some ulterior motive or to please someone else will only lead to heartache and emotional disaster.

You know my thoughts on this topic, because I’ve written whole articles on the subject (shameless plugs: http://tinyurl.com/ygbchwo & http://tinyurl.com/le2t62 ), but I’ll reiterate briefly:

Having sex with someone right away isn’t going to ruin an otherwise great thing, and waiting to have sex with someone isn’t going to make a bad thing work. HOWEVER, I do think that it’s risky to have sex right away if you’re looking for a serious thing, because sex releases bonding hormones in women and could potentially make you blind to the fact that you’re falling for Mr. Wrong.

On the other hand, I think it’s an even worse idea to abstain completely until marriage, because sexual compatibility is too important to a healthy relationship to leave up to pure luck. As I’ve said before, you can’t promise to love someone if there’s a whole big side of them you don’t know if you can accept.

[..YouTube..] Exaclty. I feel the same way. Girls are so stupid. A lot of guys have pressured me but I was tough

yo.

this was legit as shit. my brother from another jabari put me onto this site weeks ago, and i was pleasantly surprised to see him guest speaking on this post lol. he really wanted to let people know how he felt about that milk!

ha. but really: i’m in agreement with both sides. yeah, i think that sex clouds things up. don’t get it in with anybody you really care about just yet. take it slow. but at the same time, if you really like somebody, the next level will come naturally. if yall sleep together before the emotions become serious or not, it doesn’t really make a difference because at the end of the day, your overall opinion of the person decides if it’ll go to the next level.

also, you gotta test the car before you drive it. i’m just saying.

#ohletsdoit.

well, I’m still gonna wait. lol. either til marriage, OR just the right guy, cus i don’t even wanna get married yet. Im too young. Both sides make sense tho. i don’t know, diseases and unwanted pregnance still freak me the fuck out. haha. i’ll just keep waiting

I’m for option 3, but Lynn put it quite well in that saving yourself for someone special should be the ideal. There are people who just do not deserve you, and it’s never worth wasting yourself intimately especially.

As for when is it the right time? It’ll be mutual and you’ll both know.

Peace and love.

I started out believing that you should wait until marriage.. because that’s what I had planned on doing… but… these days.. that is certainly not the case. These days.. I think that one should wait until they’re in a committed relationship (and I don’t mean the high school ones). Because when you have sex it’s supposed to take things to a whole new level and build more of a bond with the mate..but these days… it’s hard to tell is such a thing even exists anymore.

i think that some guys, for whatever the reason is, won’t want the cow if they can easily get the milk. if a guy is say, using a girl as a booty call and will never want to be in a relationship with her, then he won’t (obviously).
i think it’s partly the woman’s responsibility in the relationship to make sure that he’s in it for the right reasons.

[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Jabari, Andrea Lewis, Andrea Lewis, Andrea Lewis, Andrea Lewis and others. Andrea Lewis said: New blog post: Topic of the Week: Are you having Sex too early? http://bit.ly/ap1jxO [...]

[..YouTube..] I agree with all of you guys. When people put sex first before anything, they end up getting hurt sometimes. I always felt it was right to wait until you actually feel something for that person. If you dont, then you could be setting yourself up to get used and played. I do think its ok, to have sex, only if that person loves you for who you are and not just your sex.