I used to do event photography all of the time. Duane Bobbsemple from Knockturnal Ent was the person who put me on and it’s done me a world of good, mostly in introducing me to new people who have helped get me some of my most fav photography gigs (talking about entering the wonderful world of Mi Bloodclot Brock – Bryan Brock). It was a cool way to meet cool people but now I don’t even know if I’d do party pics for Nas’ birthday. I LOVE photography because it’s another way to pursue my passion of storytelling. I’m pretty selective in the jobs I accept because I think about the message, the purpose and what my art tells others about me. Anyway I stopped doing party pics a minute ago but this weekend I did some for the first time since July as a favour to my good friend Duane Bobby and it resparked my hatered and reminded me why I don’t do them anymore. Maybe my tolerance has gone down or my standards have gone up so here’s a list of reasons

Why I Hate Party Photography

1. It makes me seem approachable

Now you know you would not be touching me if I didn’t have this here camera in my hand.. dude seriously?! Do you need to put your hand on my back to ask me to take a shot of you and your salty-dry crew? Yuck! Go thatta way! Whatever happend to pointing? Ne touche pas, I don’t like. I’m a photographer not a lap dancer.

2. Wack Pickup Lines

The biggest draw back to doing event pics is being picked up. And why the hell not I guess, for once a girl is going around and talking to the same guys who go around getting rejected by everyone else. It’s like a fish jumped in your boat fellas, right? Puh-leeeease. I’m being paid to be polite to you but I swear I’m about to be paying some legal fines if I hear “Are you going to be in the picture with me.” or “How about I take a picture of you sexy” (that doesn’t even make sense, what good is a picture or me on my own damn camera gonna do for you) or my personal fav “Let’s save the pictures for tomorrow morning..” You’re not slick dummy. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200.

3. Tech Challenges

“Excuse me, is that your camera?”
Blank stare
“Okay just wondering what model is it?”
“It’s a Nikon D80″
“Interesting. Do you find the fact that it’s not completely full sensored a draw back? And I’ve heard the lens’ are not true Carl Zeis. Did you know that Fuji cameras render skin tone the best.”
This is when I’m so tempeted to ask “what is about my face that says I’m interested in this conversation. Seriously let me know so I can avoid this from happening again.”
I don’t care if you know more about cameras than I do and I’m superbly uninterested in having a tech trivia war with you at this loud ass club. Go thatta way!
I’ve had men ask me what settings I’m shooting on or they’ll ask to see the pic of themself then start critiquing. Then their friend will say “he’s a photographer too.”
Wooptie do homie, now did you want to put your arm around your friends and act like you’re having a good time or should I move on to someone else?

4. Wannabe “No Paparazi Please!” People

Granted not everyone wants a picture of them in their sexy Saturday outfit posted online. I can understand that completely but relax you’re not famous, nobody cares and you don’t need to get defensive.
“I don’t want my picture taken.”
“Okay.”
“I’m not trying to have my face all over the internet. I don’t want my face in any crowd shots either.”
Didn’t you hear me say okay? move on.
Or my personal fav people who literally speed walk when they see you coming with your camera, as if I was specifically coming for their ass.

5. “Can you take my picture?…Now can I see it…No, can you take another one…now can I see it…No, can you take one more?”

Sometimes as an event photographer I feel like the hired help. Random people who look a mess and have diva attitudes ordering me around like their the ones paying me. I have to admit I have a love-hate relationship with vain club goers because it’s nice when people ask you to shoot them rather than you having to ask and I understand sometimes we don’t like the pic but if you ask me for more than two retakes, if you make me move locations, if you tap me all night long to get a picture with you and some poor person who hardly knows you and if you request a mini photoshoot changing poses and expressions – you need to go thatta way. Relax it’s a party not a studio and here’s a shocker – no one wants to go through a party album littered with your ass in every photo – shocking I know.

6. When are you going to post the pictures? ..text messages

I swear as soon as I leave I get the “when are you going to put the pictures up” text messages. I never post event photography pics folks, I give them to the promoter to post. And naw I can’t e-mail them to you tomorrow because I don’t go home and excitedly upload club photos to my cp right away. Besides, there is a photographer at EVERY single club and you know you brought your own camera + made sure other people took pictures of you with theirs so what’s the real urgency? Legitimately curious.

Finally I don’t like event photography because you have to spend the whole night starring at other people – it’s the nature of the gig. And I don’t drink so I’m so aware of everything things I wouldn’t notice if I was there chilling. I notice people who are acting obnoxious because they’re drunk, to people standing in VIP who don’t do ish with their life – Very Important Person when you contribute nothing to soceity? To boys trying to make eye contact with anyone – to people standing on couches dancing while checking their peripheral to see who’s watching – to people who spend their night taking pictures of how much “fun their having.” The club scene is one of the least free places on earth, it’s so fake. People don’t go to have fun, they go to appear they’re having fun. Well I ain’t a scenester, personally I’m the girl on the edge of the dancefloor losing her mind when Backstreet Boys remixes come on, dancing off beat, lookin a hot mess and feeling no ways.

On the other end, party pics aren’t all bad all the time. so here’s my list of reasons:

Why Party Photography is Actually Aiight

1. Your friends get in for free

2. It’s heaven for the stalker in me:

Matt Babel..sigh.. good thing I have a wide angle zoom lens. Do you think I’d ASK for a pic? Never that, I’ll leave that sorta business to mature people thank you very much

3. Once in awhile it’s actually honest photography

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